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The Toronto Song

by Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie

[[ italics denote banter ]]

I hate the Skydome and the CN Tower too, I hate Nathan Phillips square and the Ontario Zoo
The rent's too high, the air's unclean, the beaches are dirty and the people are mean
And the women are big and the men are dumb and the children are loopy because they live in a slum
The water is polluted and their mayor's a dork, they dress real bad and they think they're New York
In Toronto, Ontario

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You know, actually I think I pretty much hate all of Ontario

I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa, Kitchener, Windsor and Oshawa
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck, and Sarnia sucks and Turkey point sucks
I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulroney
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree
I went to see the Maple Leafs and got hit in the head with a puck
And I don't even know how they did it really, I mean I was playing the organ at the time!
Ontario sucks

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Yep, actually now that I think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country. Except Alberta! I love Alberta, it's really nice, lots of cows, and trees, and rocks and dirt! (Moo moo moo!)

But!

I hate Newfoundland because they talk so weird and Prince Edward Island is too small
Nova Scotia's dumb because it's the name of a bank New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall!
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad, Ontario sucks, Ontario sucks
Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometre, isn't that stupid?
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old and as for the territories, they're too cold!
And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it's right next to us
Because Alberta doesn't suck
But Calgary does

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