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Talking Veterinarian Blues

by Corb Lund

Talking veterinarian preg-test caesarian section vaccination gun blues
Take one

/ G C D7 G / : (with variations to taste)

Well my Daddy's a vet and if I was one too,
The one thing he always taught me to do was get paid
Cash money

Jam and eggs is a kind enough thank you,
But not for the bookkeeper, not for the banker
The margin's thin on treating large animals
Unless it's a purebred or, more understandable
A racehorse of some kind

You see son, city folks pay a high dollar
To make sure Fido ain't hot under the collar
That's where the money is

Boutique animal hospitals
Shopping malls, cocker spaniels
Hang your shingle


There was a blind old woman brings in a bird
With a busted wing and somewhere she heard
We were good doctors

That night it died in the cage, under our care
Of unknown cause but we'll make it square
These things happen
Only one cure though, quick trip to the pet store

Well morning came, didn't want to upset her
For her own good I didn't see a need to tell her
"Not only you boys fixed his wing
But it appears as though you taught him to sing!
You are good doctors!
He ain't never sung before, I've had him for years!"


When you've been in the business as long as I have
you begin to consider the plight of the calves
Fun lovin', frolickin', carefree little critters

The first few months ain't all that bad
They'll never forget the good times they had
But then comes fall and branding times
Stuck in the ribs with a red hot iron
Tag in the ear, shots in the hip,
The dehorning paste and snip, snip, snip
Welcome to the world little buddy, it's no picnic


I've treated my share of sugar beet chokes
If it gets too bad you gotta cut the throat
Salvage the carcass, dress him out on the spot
This one old steer, he choked real bad
In the corner of the pen he's mighty mad
I poked at the beet, it wouldn't dislodge
The farmer says, "I got a dull knife back at the garage"
I said "Go get it!"
Gotta save the meat

I made the jugular cut, the steer jumped to his feet
Shook his head and coughed up the beet
Stood there and bled to death in front of his owner
"Thank you Doc... what do I owe ya?"


Well that's how it goes with the sugar beet chokes
Just don't get me started onnnnnnnnnn... alfalfa bloats